Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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