did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
