You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
