somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
