Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
