I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
