the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
