Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
