at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
