You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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