question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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