i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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