I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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