like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize