Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
