just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
