he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
