but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
