well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
