bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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