Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
