i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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