I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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