I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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