Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
