He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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