if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
