Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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