Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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