The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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