I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
