how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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