Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
