She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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