hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
