She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
