I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
