i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
tell me about the eggs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
