So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
