How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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