I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
