That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
