My sheets look like a crime scene.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
