I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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