i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize