Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
