And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
