Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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