Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
