I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
