And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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