He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
