I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
