i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
