Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
