I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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