My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and weβre drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize