honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
