Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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