I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize