TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
