shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
