I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
