things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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