My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
