so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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