I want to make a zoo with you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
