I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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