is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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