he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
