Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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