i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
