I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
