dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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