they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
