don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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