You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
