So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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