You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
