even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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