..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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