Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
